


The Show Must Go On

by SabbathPurr



Category: Original Work
Genre: Actors, Angst and Humor, Broadway, Drama & Romance, F/F, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 23:03:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15301989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabbathPurr/pseuds/SabbathPurr
Summary: Savana got cold feet before their wedding, and Valerie is left in the dark about why.(Same characters from my previous story, with minor changes).





	The Show Must Go On

Valerie's therapist said to keep a journal. It would help her forgive Savanna and find love again.

“I don't want to find love again.”

“I know,” Dr. Camden said in a whisper, his usual manner of speaking. Valerie leaned forward to hear him.

“You have to love yourself again first.”

 _I need to find a new therapist today_ , she thought.

* * *

 Valerie opened up a blank notebook, staring at the pages with knitted eyebrows. Homework assignments as an adult weren't any more appealing, but then again, Camden didn't say she had to write a novel. She'd almost immortalized something she'd later look back on and hate herself for, until a better idea popped into her head.

_Savana,_

_I'd be lying if I said I didn't understand why you took off before the wedding._

_A.) We're in the public eye, and people are weird._

_B.) We're both women._

_C.) Your mom, while she still keeps in contact with you, will never buy anything rainbow._

_D.) I'm a pain in the ass? (Not all the time though.)_

_E.) Hey, at least I know my ABCs._

_Dr. Camden said I don't know the whole story, and he's right, but as your five-year girlfriend and almost-wife, don't I deserve to know it? That's why I'm angry—because you just took off and left me to stew in confusion and guilt. I have reoccurring dreams about you now, leaving me at every place we've ever been to. Even at Sammy's Pizza, and I have to go home with ten pizzas and a chocolate cake because I guess I'm eating my feelings in my dreams too._

_It's awful, Savvy, because I still love you after all of this, and I shouldn't. It's why I'm in therapy. (Well okay, you're far from the only reason). I just want you to tell me why, because I need closure. I don't want to haunt Broadway as a ghost because my almost-wife never told me why she left. I annoy everyone enough as it is, why do it in death too? And who knows, maybe we'd end up haunting it together, or at the very least take passive-aggressive turns. I know you well enough to know you'd never want that for your after-life adventure._

  _Well, I guess I'll go to Sammy's now._

_-Val._

* * *

The following Thursday, Valerie met with Camden again, because who had time to break in someone new? Valerie squirmed under his all-knowing gaze.

“Did you eat another cake by yourself?”

“Yes, but it was two small cakes.”

He hid a smile behind his hand, shifting in his chair.

“Did you do the assignment?”

“Sort of, yeah.”

“What does that mean?”

Valerie chewed on a hangnail in slow motion to prolong the mystery—a favorite pastime.

“I wrote a letter to Savana in the journal.”

“That's great,” he said, jumping upright like a startled owl.

“Why? It didn't help, and I didn't send it to her.”

“You should. A letter or email can be the most effective way to express our feelings.”

“I can't do it.”

Camden sighed, setting his glasses on the desktop. He did this when Valerie gave him grief, needing to blur out the world a minute.

 “Yes you can.”

“No, I really can't. There's a show coming up—Beauty and the Beast. I got cast as Belle.”

“That's wonderful—but I don't see—”

“I'm getting to why, just trying control my nausea.” Valerie sucked in a breath, shut her eyes and counted to five.

“It looks like Savana will be playing the beast.”

Camden's eyes went wide. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Shit.”

“Not necessarily.”

“Oh come on! It's a recipe for disaster.”

“Not necessarily.”

Valerie shut her eyes for ten seconds that time.

“I want pizza and death, in that order.”

“Just remember to breathe. Picture her naked during rehearsals.”

“Doc, that _really_ won't help.”

* * *

Valerie found a better use for her journal.

 

_TO DO LIST:_

_Find a new therapist._

 

She'd write that every day until it sank in. For now she had to hurry. She'd wasted time trying to open a portal to a better dimension and was late.

Valerie's eyelid and forehead vein twitched in tandem at seeing her ex. She took slow steps across the stage until she stood in front of Valerie, her brown eyes wide, perhaps the reality of their situation sinking in. But her look of panic ebbed within seconds, a more neutral one taking over.

“How've you been?”

Valerie knew that look was just a sham, but her eyes weren't giving anything else away.

“Great. You?”

“No complaints,” she said it like she meant every syllable, each one piercing Valerie's heart.

“How do you feel about doing this with me?”

Savana always cut right to the chase with confidence; something that had drawn Valerie to her, among many other things.

“I don't know.”

And she didn't. She couldn't believe the universe's nerve sometimes.

“Do you _want_ to do it?”

Valerie didn't hesitate for a second.

“Yes. Do you?”

Savana's eyebrows shot up, not expecting that response.

“Yeah. I love a good challenge.”

Valerie gave her a tight-lipped smile, trying to hide everything behind it.

“So do I.”

* * *

 

Today she'd rehearse with the actor playing Gaston. Though she'd had an espresso with breakfast, her heart rate seemed unusually high, but she chalked it up to nerves and carried on.

The scene with Gaston led into a solo song and Valerie's adrenaline pumped in time with her heart. Halfway through she broke into a cold sweat and stopped singing, drenched from head to toe. Her heart seemed to be doing gymnastics against her ribcage.

She reached for the closest thing to grab onto, because she was going down like a lead balloon. Two strong sets of arms grabbed her before she fell offstage, her vision blurring around the edges. They got her to a sitting position, asking in soft murmurs what was wrong.

“My heart,” she said, trying to catch her breath.

“I can't get it to stop racing.”

She spent four hours in the ER only to be told she'd suffered a panic attack—a mild one. _Mild my ass_ , Valerie thought with a grimace. She thought she'd met her damn demise. She imagined the headline: _Valerie Moss: croaked singing an upbeat tune._ She stared at the ceiling in bed.

Her panic attacks continued, and began to interfere with the entire production. Their director wasn't known for being the most patient person alive, putting Valerie under more stress. As a last resort, she arranged a video call with Dr. Camden, too overwhelmed to see him in person.

“I'll prescribe you something for your anxiety.”

“I'm in the middle of a _musical_. I can't be stumbling around with a soulless monotone to my voice.”

“We'd start you on a low dose, Valerie, it wouldn't be anything like you're imagining.”

“Yeah, well. I don't need or want it.”

“Okay. What do you think you need?”

“ _I don't know!_ Christ, I just don't know.”

She began to sob, angry and scared, her hands balling into fists.

“It's alright,” Camden said, his voice understandable for once.

“I still love her. It's killing me. I just want to know why.”

Dr. Camden nodded, though Valerie eyes were squeezed shut. He'd been seeing her long enough to know what she meant.

“You should send her that letter. If you can't, just talk to her and ask her why. You'd finally get some piece of mind.”

Valerie tried to look up at the screen, and failed, her face falling onto her hands. She couldn't speak for almost a minute.

“I wanted to prove to myself that I could do this. And prove it to her too.”

“I don't see why you can't. Talk to her Valerie, please.”

She'd gone through another rehearsal with her heart hammering, but it didn't end in full-blown panic. They'd break for lunch in five, and from a bit of eavesdropping, she learned Savanna would be joining another co-star for lunch across the street. With a minute left to spare, and her heart kicking back up to crazy again, Valerie needed to speak up.

“Savana?”

She'd put her coat on, about to trail off with the others. Valerie saw her spine straighten at the mention of her name, and spun around, gaping at Valerie like she couldn't believe her ears.

“Can I talk to you about something? Over lunch?”

She went a little pale, but nodded, taking a step closer to Valerie.

“Where?”

Her first instinct was to say Sammy's Pizza, but it was too far and it'd be crowded.

“Edna's?”

A bakery and sandwich shop, where Valerie had spent most of her adult life with her face pressed to the glass, Savana trying to drag her away.

The barest hint of a smile crossed Savana's face.

They took a booth in the back of the shop, away from all the noise and private enough to not be overheard. Valerie rearranged her sandwich several times, while Savana picked at hers. She didn't know how to start this, or if she even could. What if her head exploded? Well, she'd made her choice.

It was now or never.

“When we were together, did I do something that maybe broke your trust? Did you fall into another dimension and find a better version of me? Was I—”

“Val. No. Okay? You did nothing wrong.”

“Well, _why_ then? Why was your life with me so easy to throw away?”

“I didn't plan on throwing it away! I worried for our safety. I was dealing with a supposed fan of ours who would rather see me lying in a ditch than be married to you. I didn't want you to have to deal with it too, knowing about your anxiety, so I thought leaving would be the better option.”

Valerie shut her eyes, needing a minute.

“I can't believe—why didn't you _tell_ me?”

Savana opened her mouth to reply, but Valerie continued.

“You should've told me. Yeah, okay, it would've freaked me out, but so what? I wouldn't have been in it alone!”

“I know. I'm very stupid. I don't know what I was thinking.”

“You're a lot of things, but stupid is _not_ of them. You just...got scared. Are they still harassing you?”

“It stopped about a month ago. They thought the wedding was back on since I was doing a show with you.”

“Always let me know about these kinds of things, because it _can_ be stopped before it spins out of control.”

“I will,” Savana said, forcing down a bite of sandwich. Valerie pushed away her plate.

“I miss you,” She said once her nausea subsided, her words clear and warm. She saw Savana's breath hitch.

“It's so good to just...talk.”

“Yeah. It is.”

They continued to talk. On the phone, over a few glasses of wine. Crying helped sometimes, but laughter was the only thing that could lighten their burdens and diminish their guilt. The panic attacks stopped, and the show went on, flying by just a little too fast. Valerie wanted to hold onto the memory of it forever.

On opening night Valerie waited in the wings, her costume anchored to her skin since she'd been sweating a river. The hand that fit into the small of her back didn't recoil. _She's a keeper_ , Valerie thought with a smile.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

Savana slid an arm around Valerie, pressing a kiss to her ear.

“I was wondering,” she began, her tone low and smoky, “is this your favorite fairy tale?”

Valerie closed her eyes, an easy smile dancing over her face.

“It is now.”

“Will it still be when I'm yelling in your face for the hundredth time?”

Valerie's kiss was delicate but left them breathless.

“Of course. It mirrors real life, and you know what happens after arguments.”

“Pizza.”

Oh yes, this was the dork she would marry.

“Exactly.”

 


End file.
